I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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