i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
