my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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