I wish I only lived at night.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
