If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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