just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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