Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
