I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this just has baby written all over it
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
