i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
