Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
