Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
