Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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