i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
