I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
