We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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