I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
