In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Semen is not good for contacts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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