you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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