Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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