problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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