Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
