Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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