dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
