She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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