Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Randomize
