I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
