lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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