First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
