Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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