And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
