so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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