its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
