I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
