Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm at about main and main street
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
