Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
