Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bit a glass in half.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
