It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
don't judge my taste in strippers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
