Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
