I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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