you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
