Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
