STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
