my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
