I CAN MOONWALK!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
