OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
