what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
