My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
