I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
