i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
