I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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