who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
