My sheets look like a crime scene.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
