I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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