Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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