SEEEEXXX PLEASE
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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