no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
