I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
