I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Even my vagina gasped.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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